Happy Hallowed EVE!!! Whatevah...

So it's Halloween again, YES I did put out the decorations, as I have for the last 13 yrs (my son just turned 14). Now you know I decorate for everything, but the DAMN Tooth Fairy.... I think this will be our last year of decorations and celebrations... He is actually staying in to give out the candy. I guess the jig is up. I no longer have to spend $4000.00 on candy. Nor do I have to put up the Easter Bunny flag, or the Leprechaun poster, but I will still put up the Christmas decorations, that is just as much for me as it is for him....

Now it's time for a...True story

Real shit. Ok, it was Halloween about 4 years. We had agreed we would turn out the porch light and stop passing out candy at around 9:30 pm. At 10:30pm my doorbell rings I am thinking it's either the Rape man, a burglar or a wayward child that has no sense of time and is trick or treating alone, without his parent that would know better than to approach a dark ass door.......

I open the door and there stands a grown ass teenage boy, looks to be 19 or 20. He is dressed in a dirty t-shirt, with a over-sized flannel jacket, flooded jeans, he is using a pillowcase for his booty and a very broken down Jheri Curl wig, that had seen some better days when it was worn by Ms. Jenkins, head Usher at Mount Olive Greater New Hope COGIC AME aka the "Lunch Room lady's" head.

So I am thinking this baby is homeless is just using the Holiday as a front to come up. So I open the door ever so slightly and he says in a voice that saw puberty long ago, "Trick or treat."

Now don't get it twisted I thought of at least having my pistol in my waistband, just to let him know we could go there if I deemed it to be necessary. I give him a couple big scoops of candy then I ask him hey what the hell are you supposed to be? I had to ask, I know it was very uncouth, even crass in some circles. The dark circles and the dry white mouth should have been the give away, but of course I had to ask. I needed to know what he was supposed to be.... a usher board member, a lunch room attendant, what??? he told me that he was a, get this a CRACKHEAD!!!

I had to give him more candy just for being so inventive, so daring, so RETARDID. Now that made my night and of course I didn't answer the doorbell for the rest of the night, what could come after a CRACKHEAD?? I was afraid to ask.

It's Participation TIME

Today is the beginning of The Southern Belle Participation Week.

I want to get to know YOU better. Please read all the questions, and answer as many of them as you want in the comments. HTML is allowed if you would like to bold your answers or whatever. There are refreshments such as fried chicken, watermelon, and kool-aid on the table over there, so help yourself. Thanks for playing!

*White folks to feel free to answer questions 1-4.

1. Have you ever had someone of the opposite race use a racial slur against you to your face, or behind your back? If so, how did it make you feel and how did you react?

2. Name 5 things that piss you off more than anything else:

3. Who are you voting for and why?

4. Have you ever bitch-slapped anyone and why?

5. Who do you believe is a bigger iconic embarrassment to the Black Community: Lil Kim, Michael Jackson, Condoleeza Rice, The Snipers, R. Kelly, Kobe Bryant, or Mo'nique from The Parkers? And why?

6. What kinds of things, do you think, will strengthen the black community?

Circus, Circus was truly a CIRCUS!!!

Ok, so my sons b'day was yesterday and his only wish in life (as of late) has been to go to Las Vegas. So of course I tell him I have to go south of the border this weekend and he must tag a long. He ain't too happy but we decide that we will make the best out of a bad situation. Me & B head out to "Mexico" but we are really on our way to LV (5 hr drive). He is pretty smart so once he see the signs he starts cheesin real hard. Needless to say he was excited and so were we. We arrive at our final destination Circus, Circus. There is a floor dedicated to kids, with every arcade and carnival game you could think of... It was full of teenage kids who seemed to just want to "Kick It"
It was a "Hot Ghetto Mess". Teenage girls runnin' round with ponytails they've glued on with what looked to be Elmers glue (with dirty scrungees around said ponytails), way toooo tight jean (some of them looked like they were being CUT In Half), and of course the staple, the baby tee.

The young men (14-16 yr olds) dressed as wanna be gangbangers, smoking Black & Milds, talkin on cellys and one boys pants were hanging so low I swear I could see his ANUS!!!

I was afraid to let my son move more than 2 feet without me. I witnessed an altercation betwixt an older Filipino lady and what looked to be a 13-14 yr old black girl, all I heard was the girl say "Fuck you bitch" and the lady got right back with her and called her a black bitch!!! I was about to speak until I heard the girl talkin mucho shito! I was like, naw, see I would have had to hit lil momma with my freshly won Coffee Mugs. Of course girls wuz eyeballin' my 14 yr old son and my dude, so it put me in a precarious situation, I ain't one to roll my eyes at a child, but yet and still I got to stand my ground and let them know "You will respect me". Needless to say there was no funk between me and the mices (pronounced "Me-ciss") baby Hood Rats!

All in all we had a ball even if it was a bit traumatic on the eyes, my son did make a comment and even I was shocked, he wondered why they looked like Hood RATS?? Who knew he knew what a Hood Rat looked like. All I could think was please don't brang one of these thangs home, talkin bout you in lub.... Signed a worried Mom.

Stop all the Fakin'

Ok, so now we really have to talk about these fake ass folks... I was trying to stall them out but I've got to speak my piece. I was at Neiman's doing what I do, minding my own BI. When I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Now the angel on my shoulder said ignore it and it too shall pass.... But, NO, it got louder and louder talkin' bout "do these Gucci Boots look good on me?" to her co-patna her fellow chicken-Rat. I was like oh shyt this bytch wants me to know she is 'bout to drop $600 on those ghetto ass knee high Gucci's (that will be on sale at the Young
Swap meezy next week) .

The scene went like this:

CR(Chicken Rat): Hey Girl I ain't even see you (air-Kisses) (bitch saw me when I left my house OK)
Moi: Hey what's up (real Dry, cause I don't really phucks with her like that, but I got my dude with me and you know I am cordial, even to the Rattiest of hoes!)
CR: girl you know I got to get these Gucci Boots
Moi: Girl, you know they look good on YOU.
CR: Ohkayy. You know bitches gone be hatin'
Moi: Uh huh
CR: Oh I like those boots you rockin'
Moi: Thanks (I was tryin on some bad ass Peanut Butta and Black Cole Haans) (Don't forget I got that fire ass LV Viva-cité GM on my arm so Madamoiselle Rat'tisha is really watchin' me)
CR: Oh I like that bag
Moi: Thanks, I got it here over there (I point to my Fav Gay friend at the Neiman's LV counter).
CR: Girl I need to get me another Dior (She meant to say Dijon, as in Mustard)
Moi: fah reel (http://www.handbag.com/fashion/howtolookgood/spottingfakes/)

Of course I grew tired of this fake ass clown and got real low... followed my love to the guys section so he could get his thang on. Came back and these broads was tryin to use 2 different charge cards, a bag of pennies and attempting to open a Neiman's insta-charge (They only accept Neimans, Cash or Ameri Exp) just to get some boots that she couldn't afford in the 1st place!

I've seen some of the richest Bytches that couldn't be fly in a Airplane. That shyt don't make you fly, you either have style or you don't. You can't Buy STYLE! I can go to a thrift store and hook up a fit, cause that's what I do. A bytch can go to Norstrom's and spend $800 and still look like TRASH!
All this to say, "Fucwhacuherd" I hits Marshalls, TJ MAXX, Ross, and Nordie's Rack and I ain't gone spend my mortgage tryin' to keep up with the Jones'!!!

U can be fly with a "Real" Nine West Bag, don't be buying bags out no niggas trunk, cuz they look like trash. Those status symbols along with yo snatchback ponytails with the "Black Gel" , them too tight jeans, fake nails, and "hazel" eyes and the like....ain't cute. Take that money and pay yo bills. You make the Fit the Fit don't make you!!!

Holl@ yo guhl... ONE!

Please peep the "HOT Ghetto Mess'

http://www.hotghettomess.com/hgmframeset.htm

The WIRE & Stringer Bell.....

If U don't watch the Wire on HBO on Sunday nights then I don't know what to tell you, other than Stringer is one of the Finest Neers on TV...EVER! If you read "The Coldest Winter" he IS Midnight or if you read "True to the Game" he is Quadeer aka "Q". Ok he ain't the FINEST neer in the world, but he showl is damn close!!! I am just sayin......

What in de Hell is "Meat Gazin" you may ask....

Meat Gazin' is when a neer just happens to peep out another neers "PACKAGE" but not on accident. I ain't saying he was trying to look at his "Slanger" he just happened to be looking for his cell phone, for a quarter he dropped or his baby picture, whatevah! He just happened to see tha neers dick. Now what do you do as a man when caught looking at anothers Snake. I guess you act like your contact lenses are dry or you act like it ain't even happen... I guess as a women and someone walks by with a package so Nice it looks like you might have to sign for it.... I know women like "Meat Gazin" every now and then. I had never heard the term so you know I had to share... Now get back to work and stop "Meat Gazin" Don't let it get you in a trance, now that is called being "DICKmatized"!

Cocaine is a Powerful Drug, shit but so is love.....

I entitled this entry using the infamous words of the late great Super Freak, Rick James. For years Crack had him in the choke hold, had him burnin folks with hot Crack Pipes until he was ready to change. You have to be high to make somebody smoke crack and them burn them with yo hot ass crack pipe!!! ANYWHO, I got a phone call this weekend that really sent me into shock, not like somebody had to put a spoon on my tongue, I didn't have a Grand Mal seizure, just small shock. One of my boys from da Crib has been fighting like Pookie, to get off dat Crack for over 16 yrs. I mean baby boy has been to prison, rehab, boot camp, locked in the house, living on the screet, kidnapped by dope boys and almost killed and still he said and I quote, "It be callin' me"!

I was so unsure of what to tell him, so I just asked God to guide my mouth on this. I ended up telling him the same thing I tell my girls when they complain about they mens. "You ain't gone get off the ride until YOU get tired". I can't will nobody to put down that glass Dick. All I can do is chit chat with them from time to time, keep them in prayer and hope for the best. We are all on our own timetables. Just because Jackie went CRACK Cold turkey and was back working at Popeyes in a week, that don't mean you will be able to do the same. Now I ain't just talking bout Crack. I am talking bout life. People need to stop comparing themselves to the JONES'.
Do you and when you really want to make a change, you will, not a minute before or a minute. Well I am thru preachin for today....

and remember in the infamous words of "G Money" in New Jack City, right before Nino Brown took him out, "CMB, CMB, I am my brothers keeper. We all we got!" Believe it or not, we are all we got. Stay true....to yourself.

Kid Capri is still bangin'

You know I had to go and see "Kiddd Capriii". He was so off da hook. Everyone was in attendance, The football playahs (Mostly Bench Warmers and Practice squad), the drug dealers (neers dealing Viagara, Rogane and Extacy), Young "Swabbies" (Young sailors) and the sneaker Pimps (Neers who just want they hoes to make enough to get a new pair of Air Force Ones and a 'fit for the Club). Anyhow it was so off the hook, Da Kidd played everything from "One Mo Chance", to "Goodies" Remix and of course "Lean Back" at which time I almost blacked out, of course those 2 Chilled Patron Anejos didn't help matters. Well I am off, The Angie Stone & Anthony Hamilton Concert start in about 2 hrs, I must go get real, real cute.
Holl@ yo guhl......

Quote for the Day

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.

-- Winston Churchill

Once a Hood Rat always a Hood Rat

Now I ain't trying to start no funk, but I believe the above statement to be true. I know people change. Yeah whatevah! If the person was skanky, a RAT and scandalous back in 'da day, the probably still are. I got an acquaintenace, she is now so deep in the church that she is almost a Nun. Fah reel, she sort of looks like one.... She sends out these Biblical Quotes all day long... at least 2 or 3 a week. But I remember when she was the Extra ratty with a Jheri Curl, fishnet stockings, and the FIRST one to get something POPPIN'. A bottle of tequila in one hand and a Newport in the other. So I was like maybe she has changed.

Girl, I was on the phone with her about 2 months ago and I've never heard anyone talk to their children the way that she does. I mean its sit yo A@$ down you little SOBs, MFs, B#^@%%! and in the mix you know she had to throw in a "AIN'T God good". After speaking with her I realized she was still real RATTY, just in a different disguise. Like I said....

Lloyd Banks CONCERT....

Oh ok, I did go to the Lloyd Banks Concert... YOU know who was there.... that Kanye West wannabe ass neer I had messed with and u know what he had said... "I can't believe you cut your hair!" I was like I can't believe u still ain't got no job, I can't believe you still think u are Jay Z, and I can't believe that you are renting a house for $1800 per month, because u r an ex-felon with bad credit, and u can't vote... So when I finished TALKIN' to myself in my head :-) Don't trip, he is a felon...Duh! I told him as politely as possible, it was time for a change. All he could do was give me the Filipino head nod and say "right, right" Oh yeah It was off da glass..... Holla @ yo girl, I am still in rapper chick mode.

It ain't all good....

Why do neers always spit that same ol tired ass line. Neer on death row,doin football numbers and what does he say, "Shyt, it's all Good!" That is what it ain't.