The NNN...

For those of you who do not know that stands for the Nigga News Network. Most of you may never have heard of it by its proper name. But I KNOW a lot of us have been unda-cova reporters and we don't even know it.

For instance, the NNN has been referred to as "SOMEBODY said". Aiight here is a real example, SOMEBODY said that TUPAC was not dead but was in Guadalajara, that tidbit of info was carried world-wide on the NNN.
SOMEBODY said that if you go into your bathroom @ night and looked into the mirror and said "Bloody Mary, bloody Mary" you would get your face scratched up that too was spread via the NNN. You didn't know that huh? The scoopy-scoop on Kobe hitting that Pink from the back withOUT a CONDOM was an exclusive where? You guessed it.....On the NNN! I heard that Beyonce had an abortion in high school from where else??? the NNN.

See the NNN always gets the story first, it's usually a REAL FUCKED up version orthe 5th person variant, but we do get it.

Since the NNN was here before CNN. I think we should get some $ on something for THEM stealing yet another one of OUR Ideas. I actually told my mother that most info and rumors are heard not on the radio, not from your baby cousin, but via the NNN!! I hadn't heard her laugh that hard in a while. Speaking of Moms, here is another one of my.......

TRUE STORIES...real shyt.

This morning I had a voice mail, it was from none other than Moms, telling me that she could see a slight resemblance between Jada Pinkett-Smith & Estelle Getty. She said that maybe they are some kin..... Now, I won't tell anybody this but you guys. Now, if I let this out, the NNN would carry this as an exclusive that "Jada's Mom used to be on Golden Girls" or "Estelle Getty's Black Love Child"!! I ain't gone even do her like that, but Jada owes me big!!

I can personally tell you that SOMEBODY said that Aaliyah was somewhere with Left Eye chillin' in the Bahamas... from guess where.... The NNN.

I know, I know you don't wanna hear one more thing bout the NNN right?? Okay, I have one more bit of gossip via the NNN. SOMEBODY Said that SHAQ has a mistress in Dallas for whom he purchased a mini-mansion, a big body Benz and kicks out a monthly allowance... Is it true or is it just the Infamous NNN???? You tell me, if you hear anything, let yo guhl know.... I don't want to have to rely on the NNN, you hear?

You mean to tell me don't NOBODY know nothin????

I am my momma's only child, so when shyt went missin' in our house, there was no doubt who did IT!!! My momma was like Double-O-Negro. She would dust for prints, canvas the neighborhood, by sundown she knew the 5 "W's"... Why can't THEY find out who killed our rap superstars???

Peep Game....
Jam Master Jay of Run DMC, was fatally shot in late 2002, and Notorious B.I.G. and Tupac Shakur, who were both shot to death in the late 1990s. Those killings remain unsolved. How in de Phuck don't nobody know nothin??? I can't be late 3 days late with my cell phone bill payment and nine MU-phukers are emailing, callin and tryin to disconnect my phone!

Now when that lil' white girl was kidnapped from her bedroom the whole world was on CODE Tamale RED alert, shyt even Oprah (I am going to get on her incredibly un-opposing anything, standing for nothing worth anything next time) has had her on her show bout 94,315 times.

3 of the leading Rap figures of all time have been murdered and don't NObody know nothing!

My momma could detect who drank the last of the RED Kool aid,shyt fuck that she could tell who DRANK her last Pepsi with a belt and a mere threat!!! Maybe my Momma needs to join the Detectives... My momma must have been with the Original CSI:Alabama squad!!
Bullshyt u NOT!!!

Dis is some Real BULL Shyt. . . Ok, Is it just me or do you feel weird when you see that TUPAC video "I ain't mad at tcha"? I can get a tear or 2 just peepin it.

Man, I swear I am a hip-hop head fo life. My son and I love the same music (well most of the time) he all on G-UNIT and I ain't really into the Psuedo-Thug thang.

But, I was raised on hip-hop and will always be a fan. Hopefully, we can get rid of all the Posers and non-rappin ass neers and get back to that reel shyt. I just heard that new Talib Kweli "The Beautiful Struggle" that shyt is sooo hot. Also, the new Mos Def is mean. Those are real rappers. That Chingy and Petey Pablo and FA-BO are all club hits that by next summer you will be like F-A-B-O What? Are we as Black folk so unimportant that nobody cares enough to tell who, what, where, when, and WHY these men were slain? I bet you $100,000,000.00 If somebody Popped a cap in Regis Philbin or Martha Stewart's ass the whole world would just come to a screeching halt'!!!

It ain't right, we are just as important as erybody else..... You betta not only ax somebody, u betta tell-em!! Holla @ yo guhl....

What's really Gangster?

NEWSFLASH......
16 NOV 04 @ 06:45am, on CNN. Authorities are looking for Rapper, "Young Buck" for questioning in connection with a Stabbing that occurred at the taping of the Vibe Awards.

What the fuck is really goin' on?? Are people starting to believe they are really Gangster due to the Half ass rhymes they spit?? The FIVE Families I.e.,The GAMBINO Crime Family, The GENOVESE Crime Family, The BONANNO Crime Family, The COLOMBO Crime Family and The LUCCHESE Crime Family. Them was some Real GANGSTERS!

Them cats were slanging Coca, Loan sharking, gambling, prostitution rings. Wasn't nobody slinging BEATS!! Nobody was spitting rhymes, they were spittin' slugs!

Man, the world needs John Gotti. I wish his ass was still on the streets to show these young cats what Gangsta really was!!
The St. Valentine's Day Massacre was PHukin' GANGSTER!

Murder Inc. AIN'T GANGTA!!! Ashanti singing, "Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby..."

That shit AIN'T GANGSTA! Actually, that would be kinda of bitch like!!!

Now, the way Carlo "The DON" Gambino and Paul Castellano ran NYC was GANGSTER!!
The way John Gotti had "The DON" MURKED, now that wuz GANGSTER!!!
Shyne not telling what he knew, now that was GANGSTER, Stupid, but still no less GANGSTER! Mobb Deep AIN'T gangster. Jah Rule AIN'T Gangster.
Now iffin' you ain't know I reside in sunny San Diego where grown asses still gang bang. You cannot wear all BLUE in some neighborhoods unless you really want to get some shyt poppin' off! San Diego is mostly BLOODS. Ioun know why I know this shyt, I just do. You can't say "CUZ" that is a term used by Crips, so you really have to be careful. You could get yo wig split for shouting out a relative to loudly.
Mind you, I am from Alabama and we do still call our cousins by that moniker, "Cuz". I am scared to death to be out and see a distant relative and forget where I am and get a hot piece of lead in da ass!! It is not a game.

Even these coward asses out think they are GANGSTETR!! Unless still living with yo Mom's and driving her ride to all the functions is considered gangster! If having 3 or 4 baby momma's is gangster then we are living in GANGLAND!! A lot of these cat's are about 2 centimeters from their 3rd STRIKE!!!

Please tell them to stop hollerin' they gangsta, cause the really, really ain't!!!

I DO NOT Like STARR JONES....

I know, I know you want to know why I don't like her, right? Well, I know I don't like LIVER because it's all chewy and dry, I don't like Beets they just smell funny and I do not like GREASY ASS STARR! I really can't point out one thing, besides her marrying a bi-sexual man, her bearing false witness for Pay-Less Shoes, that sub-standard wig Collection that she herself won't even much rock.

Ioun know I just don't like her.... I ain't got a Hater-bone in my body, but when it comes to "Please look at me I am just so FABOlous" Starr. Don't get my wrong I love to see asisth do her thang, but this monkey is just soooo, oooh. I can't even convey what I think about her. I used to DVR THe View, just so I could peep her out at her Ghetto Finest. Saying shit like my Babies Daddy, while Barbara Walters and the rest of the crew would snicker at her SHINY ass.

I really would like to just push her ass down.
I probably need to go get some type of counseling, me not liking her this much CANNOT be healthy...

I also don't like Squid salad, it just looks weird, but will slay some Salt & Pepper Calamari. I just don't like her, what are your thoughts, I really NEED to know?

Regards,
Vice President of The SOS (Sick of Starr) Club

P.S. Please look at this SKANKS Bridal Registry and of course it's with Tiffany's. I KAN'T Stand her ass. I must take a Goody and lay down.

What is Drama-Cide?

I know, I know you say what in de phuck is "Drama-Cide"? That is when you are slowly being almost kilt by all of the Drama surrounding you.... I got so much shyt poppin' off that I don't even know where to start... I got one girlfriend who just got out of court attempting to get Spousal Support from a 50 Yr old x-hustler, current club head that is rocking Polo and Roca-Wear. That is like seeing your Grand-Dad @the club poppin' Mo-Mo and hollin at hoes, it just ain't right. What I try to do is not let other folks shyt swallow me up. Thank goodness my life is relatively drama free, my only problem is not letting Chucks pee on the Persian rugs other than that all is pretty good. Now that ain't all the drama....

What happened to ODB? Somebody gotta know.. This man made it out of Rikers Island, a bit phuked up behind it, but he made it out. Ioun even know, what I do is his momma didn't name him no ODB. From now on let us refer to him by the name his momma gave him, Russell Jones. RIP

Saturday, Me and B Angie B did tha Damn Thang!!

I know, I know I should have written about this a couple of days ago, but I couldn't. Believe me I tried, but the Chilled PATRON Anejo wouldn't let me. I put this on erything, I musta had 4-5 shots of that pure Gas-o-line saturday and I was feeling no pain. As soon as we hit the SPeezy my girls Destiny Child new joint was grindin' I thought I was back in the marching band!!! I swear I almost passed out.... We had a ball. We left The Blue and headed over to E Street Alley for the after-hrs set until 4-ish. Me and my dog did get it up!!! Now mind you she has been out to sea for the last 4 months, so you know we had to git it poppin' All that to say, in the infamous words of the much tattooed man in the Gnolia aka LIl Weziana BKA Lil Wayne, "Man I miss my dog!!"

http://srv.fotopages.com/2/3036573.jpg

Some Chicken, an Undercover cop & some Smoke....

Ok, here goes. I had an incredibly long and detailed dream last eve. Please tell me what you think it means to you.

I dreampt I had a party, I then ran out of chicken wings (Neers always have Chix at a party, don't front). I then went outside and saw this chick selling chicken I asked to purchase a tray of wings, she then asked if I wanted to purchase any smoke (weed) and I wuz like Naw, that ain't me, but I then asked what it was going for, that is when she proceeded to retrieve her badge and gun from what looked like either her panties or near her Vagina area somewhere. Next thing I know I am in Federal Prison and I am looking for my purse, which contains pictures of my son. I then started an exercise class and then my alarm went off... what da phuck, should I not buy chicken from street side vendors, are undercover cops waiting to bust my ass for who knows what? I need somebody to at least crack open a dream book and tell me something, anything..... My x-Mother in Law believed in that dream shyt, fah reel, but we ain't the closest, feel me?
I am awaiting somebody's diagnosis....

Signed,
Scared to go to sleep or to eat chicken!

It is I the Jack of all Trades, even posing for pictures.....

Fah reel, you can get to the spot now... I am top left, with light spikes.... It's Yo guhl in the Black Passion Fall 04. That is a wig... but it wuz real, real crackin'
http://client.webshots.com/photo/217592042/217594983olnaYy

Yesterday was my Holiday

I know erybody was off work yesterday. Since, it was a National Holiday.
It was my day, Veteran's Day.... You might not know this, but I am a US Navy Vet. I did 10 yrs, 2 months and 3 days active duty, I've been out approx 6 yrs. I served in a couple of conflicts and situations. But for some reason when I was on active duty I didn't take it as serious as I should have.
I never thought we would or could go to "REAL" War. We always did a lot of play type shit, exercises, saber rattling. Now shit is so real. I am glad I got my lil' Black hindpart out. I try to make people realize this is not a game, babies are leaving their arms, legs, eyes and lives over there. I try not to get to deep into the political situation on this blog, I just want to come here to escape the day-to-day drama, but I have to speak my piece on this bullshyt.

Today, the truth must be told, this is some BULLSHIT. If they even think of reinstating the draft, I will have to make my son ineligible (ok he is only 14), by either running over his foot with the car or sending his butt abroad for a couple of years and he could attend a University over there, but there is no way MINE is going over there. If I have to pop a cap in Colin's ass, I shall do, what I shall have to do. So please pray they end this foolishness yesterday, cause if it does continue, ya'll gone have to put some $ on my books for my commissary...

Holla@ yo Guhl.

I ain't real mad at a Newport, you know when I am sippin' on that young Hennessey w/Lemon chilled :-).....

How was he able to afford such Big ass diamond earrings???

I just made it in from Karaoke at this hole in da wall... I swear anybody could get up on that stage and "SANG" whatevah they wanted.... I thought of throwin' a rock at this one chick, then I remembered that it took real courage to git up there and make a complete ANUS of yourself, so I stopped the hate and started clapping.

Once I had a Chilled Patron and 2 Coronas shyt started to sound aiight! It was probably cuz my arm and shoulder were located in my cup. I saw a neer in there with "DIAMELLES" in his ear so big that Baby from Cash Money Millionaires would have been mad as a PHUCK.
Why do they even play themselves with those wanna be 12 carat earrings while sitting at the Bus Stop, no doubt talking on their pre-paid celly. It just ain't right and I will be the first to speak on it, since this is my shit and I can say what I like. All that to say fun was had by all.... Especially moi.

Holla @yo guhl.....

I should have never left Ninja School

See, just when you think you know me I hit you with some shyt all out of leff field.
I bet you didn't know this but I had a full scholarship to attend a prestigious NINJA School. No, I ain't talking about the motorcycle classes. I mean an accredited NINJA Training University, ok it's not a four year college but I would get a license to carry those killa stars and I think I would have been able to at least wear a concealed Samurai sword to work. How cool would that have been I would have been the First African-American, Female Ninja.

Hmm....I wonder if I would get head of the line privileges at the Club? Probably huh? Wouldn't you let a NINJA in not only free, but first. I could have been in that Kill Bill I & II. My name would have been "Pretty Python" or "Slick Snake" "Chocolate Rattler" or something along those lines.... I bet there are a lot of haters reading this thinking, I am so glad you are not a Ninja! I would have probably been proficient in using a blow gun with those poison darts.
It ain't ovah until the Fat Chick Squeals....

So I could still realize my dreams of dressing in all black leather (Mini-skirt, black suede Baby-tee, a Leather Kimono and black leather boots with a 4 inch hell) I would be so hot!!!
I could make my own NUNCHAKUS, all I would need is an old broom stick, a piece of chain and 2 nails. Maybe I could... Well I'll get on that later as soon as I complete this Super Hero course. Did you know that I will be the first African-American SUperhero. WE are still trying to decide my name and my powers.

I was thinking I could be "Club Girl" my super powers would consist of being able to drink Champagne and Country Tea (Chilled Hennessey & Lemon) all night and not get drunk or sick. Also, I would have ESP so that I could tell when a neer was lying. Also, I could look at him and tell if he had any warrants, any baby momma drama and any credit issues. Now that would really be crackin'

I am searching for the words.

One of my bestest of friends in the entire world lost her Mom this morning. I too lost a friend today. A sweet soul that had done her time in this place and needed to move on for peace and serenity.

I don't know what to do first, do I cry, do I scream, do I be still, should I be quiet? I know that God hears the silent prayers that I am offering up. I think I will just pray for her spirit and pray for her family and pray for all of my family and friends that I don't speak to as often as I should, I ain't that damn busy.

I wish for them.....
Happiness. Deep down within
Serenity. With each sunrise
Success. With each facet of their lives
Love. That never ends.
And most of all close and caring friends to guide them through.....

I spoke to my mother who always likes to discuss when she is called "Home", today I listened and silently cried, I not only tried to hear her, I was intently listening.

Old folks are full of wisdom.

I pray that I am not so selfish that I would want her to stay here with me, if her quality of life was not such that she would want to be here as well. I pray for patience and peace.

As I type this I have to wipe my eyes, just the thought of my mom not being here is enough to break me down.....

As a matter of fact get off the computer and call your Mom, call your Dad, call your Mudear, call your Big Momma, Call Nanna... Do that for me.
Beloved and be loving,
Me

A woman in harmony.....

I think I am that woman. As a Matter-of-Fact, I know I am that woman. It ain't about where I am geographically, who I am with (though that helps) or what I am wearing, it's an internal thing. I am in harmony with myself, my family and just my life overall.

I go where I will, I do what I must and I eat what I hunt.
All that to say I've been making my own way and creating my own destiny on my own terms and shit has been real, real sweet. Now don't get me Phuked up. There are bumps in this journey, but I ain't on somebody else's back, I make my own hell at times. I must admit in the past I have made shit harder than it necessarily has to be. I will take the "L" for that, but that doensn't occur too often. I am usually as peace as a lamb, albeit a crackin' ass lamb, yet still a LAMB!

I no longer bite my tongue, I say what I think I need to say to clear my conscious and my heart, now I don't just get all Tourette's Syndrome and shyt. I try to temper my speech, but I no longer let things fester and fall into the recesses of my mind where when they do surface they do so along with the angst of being held back for so long that the receiver is not able to distinguish the message from the PHUCKED delivery.

Mane I like being grown. The Journey at times has seemed real, real fucked up. But I realize a lot of the rides I've taken to get here and they were kinda fucked, but after arrival... aight let me illustrate.

(here goes another.... True Story....

Real SHIT.....When I was 12 I wanted to visit my aunt and uncle who lived out in Cali, I was living in Alabama at the time so it sounded like and adventure, how true that turned out to be. Of course we couldn't fly because my aunt was afraid to fly, so we had to take THE DOG (Greyhound).

We must have been on that fuckin bus for 2 weeks. Me, her and my 4 lil cousins ranging in age 8 to 3 yrs old. Oh yeah this was the trip from hell!!

By the way, did I mention that she was a paranoid schizophrenic and she stopped taking her medication? We ended up in fucking Colorado or somewhere real fucked up. I called my Moms collect cryinin' because my Aunt was seeing shit and talking to the air and we had no more food because she had drunk it up or something real fucked. I just so happened to have a $20 in my purse, so you know I ate junk food Mammy.

By the time we finally reached Cali I was sick as a hostage and shitting like a DUCK. I just wanted to go back home. But my Uncle saved the day. Mane we went to DISNEYLAND & KNOTT'S BERRY FARM. I had forgotten how FUCKED up the trip had been, all I knew was I loved the hell out me some Mickey & Minnie Mouse.

But after about a week reality set in that my Aunt was fuckin nuts and that talkin to the air shit was tooo damn NOT cute and I wanted to get my lil Ass back to BAMA!!!

All that to say the JOURNEY Was sorta psychotic but once I got there it was on....
It's all about how you act once you get there.

I Voted, I Swear.

I am so pissed off about this whole Presidential election mess that I can't even really go into it. Who in de HELL TOLD NADER it was okay to FUCK UP the election AGAIN?? He phuck around and get a beat down. I am just hoping that this was a wake-up call for The DUBya and that he realizes that he needs to bring our sons and daughters home. I ain't wishing no evil on the man, cause God don't like ugly. I just wish this had went another way.

Over heard in 1849 by a couple of slaves planning their escape,

"I guess we is gone go for our freedom tonight, we is gone meet down by the crick and u best have a lil salted meat with you. Dat dere Under ground Railraod is long and hard. And you know Harriet ain't even one to be shuckin' with... She says we is gone follow the North Star to Canada, she sey up there we's free. We's be free to do what we shall. U know dey say she won't even much let you stop, if u even try to stop walking she'll leave you fo dead, fo she let you tell on erybody else. jus in case you's found and might tell which way we's went. U bes get ready, be ready, we's going for our freedom tonight!!

I thought we could plan our escape and that John Kerry was our guide, our guide thru, I guess.... This shit just ain't right

Jay Z and R-ruh Kelly aka Pee on you MAN.

So why in de hell has the "Best of Both Worlds" Part Deux been CANX! I think there is a curse on them as a team. NAW I ain't hating alls umm sayin is, erytime dem too neers even chirp one another on Nextel there is a MUFUKIN Probs B!

Now why do you think that is? Personally, since this is my SHYT, I can speak frankly! I THINK Kells aka Sir URINE, is just hatin' on JAY! No shit. He is hating cuz that neer is way mo hotter and got way mo Collabos and could have "THE DUBya" on a REMIX if he wanted, cause he just dat hot!!! I gots luv for both of them... BUT I would let Jay babysit the kids before KELS!

All that to say maybe neers need to stop tryin to do DUETS and DO THEM!!!
Why neers always tryin to act like they the SUPREMES!! You know HATE is a major playah now and days.... so to keep all shyt to a minimum, no more collabos.
See now I have spoken, now let that shit be.

P.S. How da PHUCK is Kells gone sue Jay for $75 MILLION Dollars. When he still got cases in the system for that urine incident with that 13 yr old, http://www.modernhumorist.com/mh/0206/rkelly/ I would think Pimpin' would be afraid to even step into a courthouse, I guess he don't see nothin' wrong......

I'm gone get my VOTE ON.... "Excuse me whilst I RANT!"

Is it just me or is The DUBya Fuckin' Retardid? Alright, the only way I can even conceive that he is not retardid is if he sends those slutty twins Jenna (Jamieson) & Barbara over them waters to get they fight and bomb dodgeball on. DUBya doesn't have any qualms about sending our asses cross them thar seas to fight the "enemy" for oil that we shall never partake a profit off of. He and "Don't be a" DICK Cheney are both up to their scrotums in this shit! This shit was planned before his ass even got into office.

Remember his infamous line, "Saddam tried to kill my Daddy!"

Don't be fooled this shit was planned from day one. DUBya is only doing his DADDY'S DIRTY Work. He could never be the man his DADDY wanted him to be so I guess he could at least do him this lil' Favor....

With me being a Veteran of 3 Wars/Conflicts, I have a problem with a mufukah giving orders who has never taken them same orders his damn self.

Now, I ain't sayin that John Kerry is The Truth like Beanie Siegel, who by the way just got 12 months for assault, for shooting a hater type cat outside the club cause he "TOUCHED" his girl, or Carl "The Truth" Williams, who got his ass STOMPED by Pre-Prozac Mike Tyson in round 1, nor am I sayin he is "The Answer" Like Allen Iverson (who did chase his wife BUCK-Nekkid out of their home @GUNPOINT). I'll just say he is just the lesser of 2 evils. But, I would gladly have my Commander in Chief be an awarded war Veteran, not some draft dodging, sniveling mildly retarded mamma's boy, with not only a drankin' problem, but he liked to sniff a lil' Powder ery now and again, as well....

Shit is all fucked up, what we gone do now, huh? What we gone do now????